Thinking about a Divorce? Four Reasons Why You May Not Want a Lawyer

If you are thinking about a divorce or separation, the first thing many of your family and friends will tell you is to “get a good lawyer”.

Here are four reasons why hiring a lawyer may not be the best decision:

1. It is likely to cost a great deal of money at a time when you are trying to figure out how you will be able to afford to live separately from your spouse.

2. Even if you find a lawyer who is interested in helping you without becoming involved in costly and hurtful legal battle, there is no guarantee that your spouse’s lawyer will do the same.

3. Your lawyer will not be able to guarantee a specific result. All he or she can do is to try to predict what would happen if the matter was decided by a Judge.

4. You will turn control of those things that matter most to you, including your children and your future well being, to someone who really does not know you.

If you are thinking about a divorce or separation, what you really need is someone to help you determine how to live separately from your spouse, how to raise your children in the future, and how to divide your property.

Instead of a divorce lawyer, what you really need is a divorce mediator who is specifically trained and skilled at helping you identify your needs and then helping you meet those needs.

So be careful when listening to your well-meaning family and friends. While they are certainly looking out for you, if they really want to help what they should tell you is to “get a good mediator".

Divorce Mediation & Legal Advice

I was close to reaching a mediated settlement agreement with a couple the other day when the wife said she wanted a recommendation for a lawyer. When I questioned her further about what she was seeking from the lawyer she said she wanted to make sure that she knew her "legal rights".

I gave her the name of someone I considered to be an outstanding divorce lawyer and then discussed with her what to expect from her attorney. We talked about how there is rarely a single answer to most legal questions and that most of the time the answer to how much spousal support she should receive, or how the marital property would be divided, is at best an educated guess by the lawyer as to what he or she believes a judge would do given the facts being presented.

We then discussed her goals and interests. We talked about what she wanted for herself and her children; the type of life she wanted and what it would take to have that life. Once she realized what she wanted she found that she really did not need to know her "legal rights"; what she really needed to know was that she and the children would be ok. And she found that answer by defining her goals and interests and making sure the agreement she reached satisfied those interests, which is what we help people do in mediation.

First post on the new blog

For my first post on this blog, I'll provide all my contact information:

Daniel R. Burns

Attorney and Mediator

1187 Troy Schenectady Road

Latham, NY 12110

Phone: 518-785-9522

Fax: 518-785-9286

email: info@burnsmediator.com

web: burnsmediator.com